XXX EMPLOYMENT TEAM

xxx main Racing is made up of the most advanced team of individuals this industry has ever seen.  Check out all of the key members of this company below:

	Jeff is the founder of xxx main Racing.  He actually found it in a dumpster underneath an old Playboy magazine.  He doesn’t really know what he is doing.  He should hire a consultant to run the company since all he does is sleep and drink cough syrup.  This is Jeff’s hotdog.  He can’t own a real dog because he would forget to feed it and it would die.  This hotdog has been alive for 8 years.  He takes a bite once in a while.  Mmmmm… hotdog.  Jeff sucks at pretty much everything he does.  We are going to kill him someday and replace him with a blowup doll.
	Wes was a homeless man we found sleeping in front of our offices.  He kept chewing on cigarette butts and barfing on our windows.  We gave him some crayons to eat.  He didn’t like the taste of the crayons so we gave him some nitro fuel.  Once he was looped out he started drawing the ugliest pictures we’d ever seen.  He was on payroll the next day and put barfing on our windows aside for weekends only.  Wes is now our full time artist.  He out grew the crayons so we bought him a computer.  He loves his Commodore 64.  He doesn’t like most people.  We don’t really like him.  You can check his crappy website at www.weswhile.com
	Ronnie can run really fast.  We know this because that is all he knows what to say.  “I run fast” is what he eats for breakfast.  Sometimes he eats other things but we don’t want to say them here in case he reads this.  We have tried to get rid of Ronnie many times but when he gets mad he poohs himself and we don’t like that.  We’ll let him work for us for a bit longer.  Oh yea, he runs our graphic lines.  He says he is in manufacturing but we really know that he dresses in drag.
	Angie is our professional glue pourer.  She spills it all over herself and then cries for an hour while making pizza.  We fired her a long time ago but she still cooks for us.  Angie was abducted by aliens and forced to do cartwheels.  She is now a full time cartwheel doer.  Too bad she doesn't have any arms.  She usually barfs while making food.  Her cooking is terrible but she is hot so we'll keep eating it.
	This is Jackie.  She helps to package xxx main Racing products.  We don’t remember hiring her but she swears that we did.  She also does our accounting but keeps telling us that we are broke then slaps us in the face.  We should just marry her since she treats us like crap and complains about money.  We think her name is Jackie but it could be Stan.
	Dave doesn’t even work for us but he keeps sending us naked pictures of himself so we made a deal with him.  If we put his picture on our website he would stop sending pictures.  He also said we can borrow his sister but we don’t want to die from weird butt breakouts so we told him to buy us a bag of nuts instead.  He came back with a bag of twine.  We beat the crap out of him and laughed until we went pee in our pants.  The office smells great now.
	This is Jeff’s mom and dad.  They think Jeff is special.  So do we.  If it wasn’t for them, Jeff wouldn’t exist and xxx main racing wouldn’t exist.  Don’t make eye contact with them.  They are weird.  They still think that xxx main Racing is a porn company.  Jeff has been kicked out of the family.

 

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